How To Reduce New Parent Stress

by Melanie Bowden 

Many couples plan for the wedding, but not for the marriage. A similar situation often occurs when expectant parents anticipate their babys arrival. They plan for the labor and delivery, but may not consider the difficulties of the postpartum months.

  I made the same mistake. I bought all my nursery supplies and had my hospital bag packed weeks in advance. I thought I was prepared. Boy, was I wrong. I neglected to plan for my postpartum needs and was overwhelmed by how difficult a time it was.

  Don't do what I did. Plan for those early months with your baby and youll be a less stressed-out parent

for it.

Don't Underestimate the Power of Sleep Deprivation

Feeding and caring for a newborn is an around-the-clock job. Newborns eat every two to three hours, yet adults need a seven- to nine-hour stretch of sleep to function well. Night after night of broken sleep wears out even the most energetic parent. In addition, sleep deprivation increases your levels of cortisol a stress hormone. This leads to a shorter fuse and feelings of hopelessness.

  "Get rid of all romantic notions," says Denise Williams, a mother of two. "Lack of sleep made me sub-human and irrational in all other areas of my life."

  Taking the old advice of "sleeping whenever the baby does" is crucial. Although you may have a hundred things to do, your body needs to rest to make up for the lack of sleep. This is especially important for the new moms recovery from childbirth. Dont hesitate to ask others to come over and watch the baby so you can nap.

  Learn methods to soothe a crying baby. In his book The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Baby Sleep Longer, author Dr. Harvey Karp outlines the 5 Ss Method for calming a baby. In order, the steps are: Swaddle the baby, hold him in a Side or Stomach lying position, Shush loudly in his ear, Swing him from side to side and then give him something to Suck on. It really works. Other things to try: wearing your baby in a sling, rocking your baby, taking her for a walk or a car ride and playing music.

  Once breastfeeding is well established or if you are formula feeding, consider letting someone other than mom handle some nighttime feedings. Start looking for ways that each parent can get at least a five-hour chunk of sleep the amount required to get your body into a restful state. Maybe you and your partner can split the night in half. Some couples even trade off whole nights. Sure, when its your night it is exhausting, but at least you know that half of the time you will get a full nights sleep. Thats more than most parents of newborns get!

  For more information on sleep, go to www.sleepnet.com.

Household Management

Do as much as you can in advance of the birth to free up your household duties. Freeze meals; for example, casseroles freeze well. Other easy meals include salads, soups, sandwiches or even pancakes for dinner. Also, have your local grocery and restaurant delivery phone numbers handy.

  Stock your home with nonperishables. You dont want to be running to the store two days postpartum for toilet paper. Paper plates, cups and plastic utensils will give you a break from dishwashing for a while.

  Also, greatly lower your housecleaning standards during postpartum.

Meg North, a mother of one, says, "I wish I had asked friends to stay with me to help and stopped worrying about how my house looked."

  Rest and time to get to know your baby should be the priorities, not cleaning.

Look for ways to simplify household chores before the baby arrives. Clean out clutter so you have less to dust. Organize your house so that items are near where you use them. Use a laundry basket system that allows you to sort dirty clothes right when you take them off. For example, in my house each bedroom has one basket for dark-colored items and one for lights.

  Wash baby clothes in advance (they can contain chemicals that irritate baby's skin), but dont wash everything. You may have more infant clothes than your baby will ever wear, so set some of them aside to exchange later for bigger clothes or a store credit.

For convenience, set up diaper changing and baby feeding areas throughout the house. Some useful items for a feeding area are burp cloths, a water bottle, a breastfeeding pillow for nursing moms, books, a journal whatever will comfort the parents when they are feeding the baby.

All the Guests

Spread out visits from friends and family as much as possible. Maybe dad is home for two weeks and then, after that, grandma comes. Plan for four to six weeks of hands-on help, if possible. You might want to hire a postpartum doula, who will help care for the baby and mom, do household chores, answer questions about breastfeeding and even run errands. (See the sidebar for organizations that provide referrals.)

  Its OK to set a time limit on visits or say that you wont be having visitors at all until after a certain number of weeks. Answering the door in your bathrobe also gets the message across quickly that youre too tired for socializing. This is your postpartum experience so do whats best for your family.

Putting Together Your Postpartum Plan

In the book Mothering the New Mother, author Sally Placksin includes a list of phone numbers to have on-hand during postpartum. A lactation consultant, new parents support group, housecleaner and the numbers of friends and neighbors who have offered to help can be included on your list.

  Be prepared when someone offers support. This is not a time to turn away assistance. Maybe they would like to help with laundry, care for the baby, grocery shop or watch older siblings. If you have a friend who is great at organizing, you can even have her arrange your help.

  Think about all of the groups you are involved with -- places of worship, coworkers, sports teams -- and let people know youd appreciate whatever help they are comfortable providing.

  Along with baby items, gifts that support the new parents are helpful. A meal for your freezer or a gift certificate for housecleaning or a postpartum massage make wonderful presents. Some expectant parents ask for donations to a doula fund.

  Also, check with your employer and health insurance about postpartum benefits they provide. They may pay for a doula, visiting nurse or other types of support.

Plan Ahead for a Happy "Babymoon"

Having a postpartum plan in place can bring relief to what can be a stressful time.

As Jennifer DeLugach, a mother of two, says, "My husband and I put together a postpartum plan similar to a birth plan where we arranged for the help we would need." The result?

"We had a wonderful babymoon."

Melanie Bowden is a mother of two, writer, postpartum doula, and writing coach. Download a free chapter of her book Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me? True Stories of New Motherhood at motherhood.booklocker.com. You can reach Melanie at melaniebowden@earthlink.net. 

Doula Resources

A Child Is Born, www.childbirtheducation.net

Childbirth and Postpartum Professional Association (CAPPA), www.cappa.net

Doula Network, doulanetwork.com

Doula World, www.doulaworld.com

Doulas of North America (DONA), www.dona.org

National Association of Postpartum Care Services, www.napcs.org

Valley/Foothill Doula Collective (serving the Sacramento area), www.doulacollectivebizland.com, 888-DOULA-4-U

Blue or Pink

By Mia Miller

Boy or girl blue or pink. Have you been wondering whos kicking and who theyre going to look like?

  Modern technology has evolved and created a new style of ultrasound photography. For decades now, ultrasound has been a routine practice in prenatal care throughout the U.S. and has been studied for almost 40 years. Using the same sound waves as those used in a 2D ultrasound scan provided by your doctor, advanced ultrasound machines can now create superior 3D and 4D views of the fetus, without the grainy or fuzzy qualities.

Still and In Motion

Three-dimensional images are still images, which are transposed into photos and purchased by expectant parents as the first picture of their unborn baby. Four-dimensional is the image in motion; it allows for a real-time look at the baby that lets expectant parents see movement, such as a yawn.

  The 3D/4D images are projected on a large screen (much like a movie theater) for you and your guests to view. This is all recorded on DVD and VHS during your visit and can then be purchased by the expectant parents.

  For those who are familiar with 3D/4D ultrasound technology, you know that viewing your baby for the first time even before he or she enters the world can be a remarkable moment.

Before Scheduling an Appointment

Each ultrasound facility will have a menu of packages, prices and the services they provide. When locating a service provider for this elective procedure, keep in mind that 3D/4D ultrasounds are not for medical diagnostic purposes. Prior to scheduling an appointment, a respected facility will require that you are currently receiving treatment with a health care provider for prenatal care. They should also ask for a copy of your medical diagnostic scan (provided by your doctors office), and the results must confirm your due date and screen for pregnancy-related issues. In addition, as with all elective procedures during pregnancy, it is best to consult with your doctor prior to scheduling this appointment.

Mia Miller is the owner of Whos Kicking of Roseville 3D/4D Baby Ultrasound, www.whoskicking.com.