Adoption and Foster Care

Adopt Domestic    Adoption Center of No. Calif.     Families First 

Aspiranet Foster & Family Services    Sierra Adoption Services

Independent Adoption Center     Stanford Home Foster Care   Lilliput Services

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Adoption:

The Rewards and the Challenges

By Genoa Barrow

She swears she doesnt have an "S" embossed on her chest, but as the mother of six children, Chrisan Glaspey certainly seems to possess extraordinary powers.

  She and husband, Chad, have two biological children and four children whom they welcomed into their family with the help of Sierra Adoption Services, one of several agencies serving the region. The Glaspeys were named Sierra Adoptions Family of the Year 2007.

  "The Glaspey family is truly an amazing family due to their commitment to helping children," says Sierra Adoption spokesperson Sara Hanson.

  Even with the honor, Chrisan remains modest.

  "Super we are not; we just love kids, and I think some people are just cut out to have many children and others are just fine with one or two. There is no right or wrong number," she shares.

  It's not a matter of being superhuman, she adds, but simply human.

  The Glaspey's first opened their home in 2000. Local experts say thousands of other kids are waiting for others to do the same.

  "We started foster care only to be foster parents," Chrisan says. "We ended up fostering a little girl who made us think about adoption."

  The child, however, was returned to her birth family after being with the Glaspey's for more than a year. Then they got a phone call; it was about a little boy named Ian who needed a home. He was an abused three month old when they picked him up from the UC Davis Medical Center, and he turned five last month. He was once reunited with his birth mother, but she decided she could not meet his special needs.

  Ian, like the other children the Glaspey's adopted twins Charissa and John, ages six, and Jordan, age two and a half have special needs.

  Chrisan says she and her husband talked with their two biological children daughter, Shea, and son, Evan before making the final decision to adopt. Shea, now 15, was 11 when the Glaspey's first adopted, and Evan, now 10, was six years old.

  "When we got kids in, my children always stepped up to help out and they really enjoyed reading books and helping," their mom says. "They both loved having little brothers and sisters. The thought of them staying forever and not having to leave was something that they wanted also."

  The family says they received "tons of support" from Sierra Adoption.

  "They go through all your licensing with you, and they give you a social worker who stays with you the entire time that you have a child in your home, to help you with all the little and some big things that come up. That social worker helps you to understand all the timelines of all the court processes and help you to work with the state and county social workers. They also write up your adoption home study and move you right through the adoption process. They also have post-adoption counseling for families and children," Chrisan shares.

  A local agency Home At Last offers a 24-hour hotline for the parents it serves.

"Sometimes they just need to vent and just listening to them is support," says Teresa Bolton, founder and executive director. Her agency has offices in Sacramento and Stockton, but serves families in several counties including Yolo, San Joaquin, Solana, Stanislaus and Alameda.

  Jennifer Bosch, another local adoptive mom, says the resources she has received have also been crucial. Along with husband, Andy, Bosch has adopted three children through Lilliput Childrens Services.

  "We chose Lilliput because they are interested in what's best for the children, even when traditional family structure is not the case. They place children across racial lines, with single parents, with older couples and with same-sex couples. They understand that a stable, loving, nurturing home is what is in the best interest of the children," Jennifer says.

  "We also liked their post-adoption support services and how Lilliput is structured and run. They also place children who are right here in our own community who need loving homes, and they were wonderful in obtaining any information that they could about our children's backgrounds so that we can share it with them when they are ready," she adds.

  The family also participates in the agencys transracial adoption support group. The adult Bosch's are Caucasian and their adopted children are African American and "multi-ethnic."

  "We decided adoption was the best option for us in 2002," Jennifer shares.

  Their biological daughter, Allaura, was four years old, and they had spent two years doing unsuccessful fertility treatments.

  "We wanted a large family and had always planned on adopting a child or two after we had two or three biological children, so it was really easy for us to move on," she continues.

  The Boschs went through Lilliputs foster-parent training in the spring and summer, were certified in December and were placed with their first foster child, Xander, in January.

  "He was four months old and adorable, happy and a wonderful baby," Jennifer Bosch shares.

 The family finalized his adoption just before his first birthday.

  "We decided since we were already in baby mode that we should just go ahead and adopt another baby or toddler and were placed with Desiree in February 2003. She was almost seven months old, and we finalized her adoption when she was 14 months old. In 2007, we decided to add another child to our family and were placed with Jordan right before Christmas. He was six weeks old. We finalized his adoption last month. Xander is now six, Desi is five, and Jordan is 11 months old. Our biological daughter is now 10.

  Their biological daughter was diagnosed with high-functioning autism at age seven.

  All the children they adopted had prenatal exposure to drugs, and while only one of them is now classified as having special needs, Bosch offers a bit of insight.

  "The foster care system defines a child as special needs simply due to an adverse parental background or if they are a minority race. All children in foster care have an adverse parental background or they would not be in foster care," she says.

  Children, Chrisan says, have emotional needs that are just as important.

  "We loved all the children that we fostered. We go through a lot with the children that we take in," she says.

  "They stay with us while they go through visitations with relatives and sometimes it takes a very long time and you see the pain that they go through every time they leave and come back. That builds a bond between you and that child. So when the time does come and a decision is made, and if that decision is that they are going to be put up for adoption, for us the decision was pretty easy to adopt," she adds.

  Being a foster parent and an adoptive parent has changed the lives of both the Glaspey's and the Bosch's, beyond just needing a bigger house or a larger car.

  "Our lives have changed so much and, yes, it is busier but I can't explain the joy we feel when Ian says a new word and the whole family runs around cheering for him. Or when my 15 year old makes a mistake on something and runs to get her five-year-old brother to show him that it is OK, that we all make mistakes, and we just do our best to fix it. Or when I am making dinner and am busy and I don't hear the usual level of noise coming from the playroom so I check to see and find my 10 year old reading books to all the kids on the floor and everyone explaining the pictures to Ian so he too can enjoy the book, as Ian is legally blind," Chrisan says.

  The Boschs went from one child to four in a span of just six years. There have been other changes as well.

  "Adopting across racial lines and raising minority children has made us more culturally sensitive and opened up our eyes to many things we would not have seen otherwise," Jennifer says.

  She and her husband, Andy, left their faith and church because of "racial prejudices" and "theological issues" and moved to a more diverse neighborhood.

  Their lives are much more "kid-centric" now.

  "We live close to the kids school to facilitate all their different schedules and activities; we designed our yard to be kid-friendly and a fun place to explore and play. Our children are the center of our lives and our lives are scheduled around their needs and what they need to grow up healthy, happy and well-adjusted," she says.

  Chrisan is proud of each one of her children. Shea is the future Olympic soccer star. Evan is a drummer in a rock band, but she sees him as "our one that shall cure cancer." John is the computer whiz, and Charissa who "runs the roost" may be a CEO one day. Ian "is my cuddle bug who is constantly surpassing doctor expectations." Jordan, age two, is smart and "the fastest, most Houdini-like child I have ever seen."

  The Bosch's also have a cast of characters.

  Allaura is the shy, animal-loving bookworm. Desiree is "sweet, sassy and spunky" and while shes their "most challenging child, discipline-wise," she's often "the most entertaining." Jordan is the stubborn "little sweetie," and Xander is the comic.

  Without being told which child was which, one could not tell from reading their descriptions who was adopted and who actually sprang from these mothers own wombs. Nothing in their loving descriptions indicates that they treat their adopted children any differently than their birth children.

  Jennifer says asking yourself if you can accept and love an adopted child as if they were your biological child is vital for potential parents and having an open mind.

  "Don't go into parenting at all with preconceived notions about what you think a perfect child will be like. All children are different, all are unique with individual personalities and demeanors," she says.

  Chrisan also has some words of wisdom for those considering opening their hearts and homes. "My advice is to be patient," she says.  "Adoption definitely has its own timeline. Remember to be honest with yourself and your social worker; they won't judge you and they will enjoy the honesty. Don't push yourself past your comfort level. Just because someone else chose to take on four children does not mean that the person who takes on one child is any less amazing," she says.

  Being a foster parent takes a great amount of commitment, local experts says.

  "I'm looking for individuals who are patient individuals who are willing to be open to advice on parenting skills," explains Bolton, who through Home At Last, finds families for four to 18 year olds, many of whose previous placements have not worked out.

  Despite a parents desire to treat foster children "just like their own," Bolton says there are some things parents cannot do, such as spanking.

  Discipline is a topic discussed during Home At Lasts training process. Others like Lilliput, Adoption Connections and Adoption International, offer classes on how to talk to your children about adoption, choosing domestic or international adoptions and how open adoptions work.

  They are all waiting for more Glaspey's and Bosch's to step up.

  "There is a dire need," shares Jennifer Shebesta, program director for the Stanford Home for Childrens Foster Care Program.

  "Our mission is to help kids get out of institutionalized care into family-based care," Shebesta says. Many of the foster children they serve are reunited with their birth families. Those interested in becoming foster parents can fill out an interest form on the agencys website. Staff also spend a great deal of time recruiting and debunking the "myths of foster care."

  She stresses the importance of continued communication and training. "We want them to understand what they're getting into, and we don't want them to feel overwhelmed."

  The Bosch's are open to taking on more but only the siblings of the children they've already adopted, should their birth mothers have and lose any more to the system.

  While Chrisan admits she is not ready to adopt again, she does not rule it out. "If there is a child who is meant to be with us ... they will find us."

To find out more about how to become a foster parent or how to adopt a child in need, call

Lilliput Childrens Services at 916-923-5444 or visit www.lilliput.org;

Sierra Adoption Services at 916-368-5157 or visit www.sierraadoption.org,

The Stanford Home for Children at 916-349-0199 or visit www.stanfordhome.org

Home At Last at 916-863-0461 or 209-946-0880.

Questions individuals and families should ask themselves before starting the foster parent or adoptive parent process.

1. Can you accept and love an adopted child as if they were your biological child?

2. Do I want to adopt a newbor, infant, toddler or teenager?

3. Am I open to children with medical issues?

4. Can I love that child if he/she never changes?

5. Could I adopt a child of a different race or culture?

6. If Im considering a cross-cultural adoption, is my neighborhood ethnically diverse?

7. How/when will I explain the adoption to the child?

8. Have I considered all the adoption options such as foreign, domestic, private, open, foster-adopt, etc?

9. Am I prepared to handle the tough questions that you may have to answer in the future about your child(ren)s past, their birth-parentage, their background?

10. Would I want to stay in contact with the birth parents?

11. How much support will I have from family and friends?

12. Am I able to meet the financial needs and time commitments that come along with parenthood?